Do you ever feel conflicted by the different forces within you? After losing someone so special to me to death, I often feel mixed emotions coming from my spiritual self and my earthly self. Easter weekend has definitely brought to the forefront a variety of perspectives.
This is our first Easter without Covey. I won’t lie, it’s been hard. My earthly mortal self keeps playing on repeat in my head the words “we were cheated.” Covey was cheated in this life. He was born with an uncooperative body and had so many challenges his whole life. He suffered from seizures, accidents, bullying, and ostracism to name a few. We were all left with so many words unspoken.
I have mourned the loss of life he could’ve had, had he not been born with Angelman Syndrome. Now I mourn the loss of his life altogether. It feels so inadequate to say I miss him. And sometimes I genuinely just feel so so very cheated.
But then my spiritual self chimes in and I feel tremendous hope. I think the most glorious and hopeful words in all scripture are “He is not here: for he is risen,” the angelic message given to Mary Magdalene and Mary the mother of Jesus when they came to the sepulcher on the third day after the Savior’s crucifixion. (Matthew 28:6) Jesus Christ rose from the dead. He cheated death. If anyone was cheated in this plan of salvation, it was death and Satan. They have no hold on us because of what Jesus did. Because of him we can all live again, and not just live, but we will live forever as perfected and immortal beings. Most importantly, we can be together with our families forever.
Angelman Syndrome will be a thing of the past and all struggles and heartache we’ve been required to go through will all make sense and all pain will be gone.
“And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away.” (Revelation 21:4)
Not long before we lost Covey I had a conversation about the afterlife with one of my sisters and I remember saying to her that there better be life after death. Because if not, it would be unbearably unfair to have anyone live on this earth with debilitating disorders and diseases, like my children who were born with Angelman Syndrome, and say that that’s all they’ll ever get to experience. You just can’t tell me that this life is it.
Well, it’s not. I do believe with every fiber of my being that Jesus Christ truly did suffer and die for us, was resurrected, and he lives today. And because He lives, so will Covey. So will I. And so will every person who ever has or ever will live on this earth. So this Easter I will try to remember that joyful hope and let it extinguish the sadness that might otherwise prevail.