I found an old camera last week that had pictures of Covey on it, ones that I hadn’t seen in a few years. It’s always so exciting, like finding a hidden treasure! But it tends to carry a bittersweet feeling, knowing that all I have left of him are pictures and videos.

We had been sitting at the table just hanging out; well, in all honesty I don’t really remember what we were doing besides just being with each other. All I know is I had taken a couple pictures with the camera and he had taken some. The pictures of me are actually the ones that have made this photograph discovery more bitter than sweet.

Here I was, staring down at my phone, while my sweet boy playfully snapped a picture of me. I’m sure he was laughing while doing it, too. He always loved to get candid pictures of us. On the iPad he’d just hold down the camera button, so in seconds he’d have not just one picture but hundreds! He really was a budding photographer and loved looking at the world through a lens.

I’m sure I know what you’re going to say, “Don’t beat yourself up.” “You’re a great mom.” “Holding onto regrets won’t change the past.” “Everyone has regrets.” But what I want to say is, those regrets are real and death has a way of making some regrets really sting. They cause me to ache inside sometimes.

But regret isn’t always a bad thing. Just like guilt isn’t always a bad thing. And feeling those emotions doesn’t diminish or take away from all the good we’ve done in our lives. If anything, guilt and regret can motivate us to change. To choose the best over what’s better or good, or just downright unimportant.

Learning from regrets can change our future.

I wish I could tell her, “Look up, be present.” “Put down your phone.” “Don’t waste time on what’s not important.” I still need that reminder sometimes. I think we all do.

This reminded me of a talk by Dallin H. Oaks when he counseled us “that just because something is good is not a sufficient reason for doing it. The number of good things we can do far exceeds the time available to accomplish them. Some things are better than good, and these are the things that should command priority attention in our lives.”

I’m so glad I found these pictures. Covey is still teaching me. He always was a far greater teacher than I ever was.